7 Lessons from my mother.
For my mother’s birthday in 2021, I started working on this piece to share some of the most important lessons I had picked up from her over the years; all of which I only appreciate now in retrospect because no discipline is pleasant or immediately impactful at the time it is given. It took me much longer than I had initially thought it would to publish; but here we are, on my birthday, celebrating my mother’s 50th birthday: Belated Happy Birthday Mom.
Hebrews 12:11 At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off big-time, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.
One of the epiphanies I came to in my 20s was that my parents were just as human as I was. They bled when hurt, they were frustrated when things didn’t go their way, they missed their parents and childhood friends and had dreams and aspirations: plans they hoped to realize in their lifetime.
As children we are the centre about which the earth revolves which means we only see others only as they relate to us and not who they are in essence. As I wrote this, I thought about how people beyond the walls of our house in Bushenyi would describe my mother. Many would probably say one or all of the following.
“She is a born again mukiga woman. She is the Sub-County Chief for Kyamuhunga. She has worked with the Local Government of Bushenyi for over a decade as the Clerk to Council, PA to the Chairperson LC5 and the CAO. She holds a bachelor’s degree in business administration and accounting and Diplomas in secretarial and computer studies. She is a formidable leader and peacemaker. She is a wife and a mother to four biological daughters and many girls and boys that have come into her care over the years.”
Looking at her through a lens beyond myself helped me see what a sacrifice it must have taken for her to be a present parent yet back then it was not as valued as it was obvious.
With that said, this piece of writing is to say thank you to my mother and to share some of the things she taught me that are an integral part of who I am today.
1. God.
My earliest memory is of Mummy teaching me to pray. I was playing outside in the evening and she called me in for dinner but before we ate, she said we were going to pray and asked me to repeat after her. “Our Father in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name…” Nothing has defined my life like my relationship with God and it all started with seeing my mother serve in the morning service at All Saints Greater Bushenyi. There was an understanding even back then that before you could call on Mummy, you called on the name of Jesus. This relationship set the pattern for the schools I went to, the friends I made and I can very easily trace my path to that first moment of prayer. Nothing will change your life like giving your life to Christ. It is a decision you can never regret.
2. Gratitude.
My mother is a teacher of the word of God. This one time in sermon, she told the story of how a “Thank you. Well done” from her boss made her day and inspired her to do even better with greater ease.
Gratitude is more than saying thank you. The words or expressions of thanks are the culmination of gratitude. Gratitude begins with the acknowledgement of good within your heart.
Philemon 1:6 That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.
Jeremiah speaks of people unable to see good when it comes but also of the man which is blessed because his trust is in God. So gratitude is not just an expression but a life attuned to recognizing good, even seeking it out so that it will be a greater multiplication of good.
Jeremiah 17:6–7 For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited. Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.
3. Action = Reaction.
It appears every lesson will have reference to a bible verse which speaks to how Mrs. Mutembeyi raised us. The word permeated every principle. Long before I knew Newton’s 3rd Law of motion, I knew that action equaled reaction from Gal 6:7
Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
We now joke about it being the family anthem. Growing up, home was always a full house with cousins, all of whom were girls, and we’d always have these sit-downs before school especially for the older girls and mom would proceed to read from Gal 6:7 and tell us that whatever we did would have results, good or evil, and to understand the cost of every action.
There is a saying in Runyankole which went with these sit-downs.
“Nagambira abahiguru ngu abahansi bahurire” which can be loosely translated to mean “I may be speaking to the people at a level above yours but I am loud enough for you to hear me so I won’t have to repeat myself.”
When I quote this saying back to myself now, I put it as “counting the cost”. I ask myself, “what will this cost me and what result will it beget?”
4. Being taught by others.
Africa is a continent especially defined by its sense of family and community. Children were/are raised by a village. Even when we have grown up miles from our blood relations and ancestral homes, Mom created the conditions in which we learnt how to take instruction from people wiser than us. I cannot start to stretch how much this has impacted my life.
5. Humility: The order of things.
This lesson needs me to share a backstory about a young lady, who transferred to the primary school I was in at the time and taught me a great deal about humility. Before I met her, I had never been challenged by anyone, I thought my class rank was as good as a birthright and that good grades just happened. But this new girl was smart and in our mid term assessment, she ranked first while dropped to 8th. Many years now but I still remember the details because of my mother’s reaction to the situation. My world was shaken. I expected a scolding, but it didn’t come. Instead she asked me what I thought had happened. I told her I hadn’t ever considered that I could not be first. P.3 was a newer level with more complex material but I thought I could coast through just because my previous record was good. And she taught me humility that day.
She said “brilliance is not everything. It is more important to be other things. To be kind, to be conscious of others and of self, to be humble.”
I dried my tears, buckled down and was top of the class at the year’s end. Further on in my life, this lesson has taken different faces, but the core being that pride surely goes before a fall but that humility is the right positioning for increase.
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.
1Peter 5:5–6 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
6. Simplicity.
Mom was living by a minimalist creed long before it became a cool thing. Now, I took this lesson and messed it up a couple of ways to sometimes skip out on combing my hair but my mother’s intended lesson was in removing the clutches that could ever be used as an excuse for not performing or that would make you feel vulnerable performing minus them. Two legs and two arms. Clean clothes, a warm meal, a bed and a family that prayed for you; those were the basics and still are.
7. Grace: Patience, honesty, forgiveness
Grace is unmerited favor. It calls us to believe in the goodness of the giver rather than the deservedness of our actions. This is how we are saved.
And now with a few years I can see how gracious Mom has been when we have lied, made costly mistakes and been ungrateful. She never removed the privilege of access. That kind of love causes you to reflect more closely upon your own relationships, gives you pause when you think you cannot be patient anymore and lets you be vulnerable.
Thank you for sitting with me even as I meditated through these lessons again. Happy birthday to me.
